So, because we're so fancy and high class and all that jive, and because it's the little details that keep one who works from home from going a little crazy, we have water delivery service at our house. It's from a lovely local company called Menehune Water. We get four five-gallon bottles delivered on every 10th business day, which currently means every other Friday.
Now, normally, four bottles is juuuuust enough so that we run out some time on Thursday, put the last empty out, and start with a fresh four bottles when the guy comes on Friday. This past week, however was a little different. We'd been out of town for a few days, so the rhythm was off. I, of course, noticed this immediately when we returned and began keeping mental tabs on the supply.
Thursday afternoon, we were about 4/5 of the way through the third bottle, and so I stepped up my consumption. My hope was that we'd kill it Thursday close to bedtime, put the new one on, and start Friday with four full bottles as usual. We ended up killing it a little quickly though, so when I put the new one on I mentioned to K that we either needed to go easy until Friday morning, or drink this entire bottle before the delivery gets here, if we're to stay on budget.
It was at that point that things went terribly wrong.
You just can't say something like this without it sounding to my wife like a challenge is being issued. I'm sure my words were similar to what I wrote above, along the lines of "Let's not kill ourselves trying to drain this bottle; let's just take it easy and it'll all work out somehow". What she heard was "I know your pussy bitch ass can't drink your share of this jug, so because of that we'll have to go with the inferior plan, and I will blame you for the rest of our lives for this horrible night."
She threw down the gauntlet.
"Let's do this thing."
So that's how it started. We had roughly 12 hours to drink five gallons of water between us, and also manage to get a good night's sleep.
We hit it hard for the rest of the evening. I made sure to eat some heavily salted macadamia nuts and I tried to be as thirsty as possible. Every time I took a sip of water, I made sure it was a giant gulp equivalent to roughly 1/3 to 1/2 of what was in my pint glass. We tried to make the dog run around a lot so he'd be thirsty. He's such a tiny fellow, though. He really wasn't much help. Here's a chart that shows how much of the five gallons each person drank:
As you can see, he barely made a dent.
We peed a LOT, and I actually started to get sick of the taste of water. Yes, I actually got sick of something that has no taste, color, or smell. It physically sickened me.
By the time we went to bed, we still had over a gallon to go, by my estimate. We made sure to get up early and hit it hard and I'm proud to announce that we were successful! We drank the last drop and put the empty bottle out less than an hour before the delivery service showed up. Once again, we are number one!
